Back to reality

Today at church I found myself doing it again... justifying to someone why I went back to work. After the conversation (and the many that I have had before) I find I am a little miffed with myself- I shouldn't feel obligated to justify my reasons to anyone or feel guilty that we have made this decision. I would love to stay home with Olivia, but for right now that is not a reality. So for myself only I have decided to list the reasons and I vow to not have that conversation again:

• We really would like to adopt again in the next year or so. Adoption is very expensive. By the time Olivia's adoption is final, it will cost us almost $30,000. There would be no way that we do could do it again in the near future just on Scott's salary.
  
• I want Livy to have some of the things that I didn't have has a kid. My dad worked very hard as a contractor and we never wanted for anything that was really important...but with seven kids there was not a lot of money left over after paying for the necessities of life. I want Livy to be able to take dance (or gymnastics , or soccer, or piano, or whatever she wants to do) and I want to take her Disneyland and Sea World and lots of other places too.
  
• Working has become part of who I am. I have had a job since I was about 15. If you do the math that is just shy of 17 years. Before that time I babysat a lot and was making a lot of my own money from the time I was 12. The time I had off when Livy was born has been the longest period of time that I have been off in 17 years.
  
• I am good at what I do. There are not many things that I can truly say that I like about myself, but two of them are that I am a very hard worker and I am good at my job. I have come a long way since working at McDonald's and although there have been many many people that have helped me a long the way, I feel good about the fact that I am where I am today because of my work ethic.
  
• Olivia is being well taken care of by two of my friends. I know that she is loved and taken care of at their homes. That being said when I get home at night Olivia and Scott are my focus. I am still working out how to balance everything (how do I fit in the gym, scrapbooking, cardmaking and all of the other things that I love and also find time to do all of the things that need to be done...cleaning the house, laundry, yard work, ect?), but both Olivia and Scott know that I love them very much and that is the most important thing.

On another note...My two brothers came to visit this weekend. My baby brother Jason just got home from a mission in Mexico and it was great to see him. My other brother Matt and his wife Cindy just found out they are have a little girl in July. With the addition of Taylor in July there will be four little granddaughters in the family.